#260 - Five minutes in the life of your muse.

Less than ten minutes of being awake and Dean's already drowning feeling in the depths of a whiskey bottle, willing the alcohol to strip everything away and help him forget.

Sam's giving him a look, he can see him in his peripheral vision. Dean ignores him, keeps tipping the alcohol down the back of his throat, trying to smother the memories of Hell before they get the better of him.

It's nine in the morning and Dean's already had a whiskey breakfast and starting to feel halfway human. It's not the right way to deal with things but there's only so much he can handle and reliving everything isn't the way he wants to spend his day.

He's got work to do.

There's definitely an air of uneasiness, Sam's not happy with the drinking and Dean's doing his best to pretend he doesn't notice. He's gotten good at pretending, why should now be any different?

"Let's get going," Dean mutters as he gathers up keys, belongings and that alcohol that is never more than five inches away from his fingertips. "Got places to be."

And just like that the Winchesters are on the move again, leaving another town behind them.

Muse : Dean Winchester
Fandom : Supernatural (Misc TV)
Word Count : 200

#255 - BOO! How would you go about scaring someone?

Dude, we scare people all the time.

It comes with the territory and it's what Sam and I do best because you know we're hunters and we kill the things people don't like to talk about.

It's not like we just randomly drop in on people because we feel like it or because we're feeling social. We drop in because something has killed or is about to kill you and guess what? That sort of thing scares people.

Never mind that Sam and I are just doing what we know how to do: saving people and hunting things. People are scared by things they don't and can't ever understand - things that have the potential to screw up their little happily ever after.

We're not the scariest guys in the world (unless you piss us off) but what we do and how we do it is a little bit on the scary side especially to normal regular folk who have never seen a monster before.

It's the people who aren't scared and actively go looking for monsters - like a certain group of people that I could mention but I won't - that makes me wonder just how many movies people have to see before they get the right idea.

But yeah we scare people all the time and all we do is turn up.

Muse : Dean Winchester
Fandom : Supernatural (Misc TV)
Word Count : 225

#253 - Awesome

Awesome, the most overused word in young Dean Winchester's vocabulary. It didn't matter what he was doing, everything was awesome, even when it wasn't. He might have learned it from a guy he saw on the black and white television in the tenth rundown motel room that he shared with his brother and father. The reception had been terrible and he had to sit three inches away from it to hear what was being said but as soon as he heard that word it was gold.

"Awesome this," and "Awesome that," it was a constant and dad had picked up on it, asking Dean where he had learned that one. Dean had just shrugged and said some guy had said it and that he liked it so he was using it.

It didn't matter if dad was gone or Sam was crying, everything was awesome whenever anybody asked Dean about life at home. "My dad's awesome," he would say. "My life's awesome." Nobody questioned awesome and nobody thought to look past the toothy grin and the way Dean said it so easily, like he didn't need to give any thought to his answer.

Awesome kept people away and kept questions at bay.

It was and would forever be a young Dean Winchester's favourite word.

Muse : Dean Winchester
Fandom : Supernatural (Misc TV)
Word Count : 214

#247 - Write about a mess you've cleaned up

[LOCKED from everyone]

Back when Sam was possessed and everything I pretty much covered his ass and cleaned up the mess he left behind.

I know as a hunter I'm supposed to make with the good guy routine, but it was my baby brother. What was I meant to do? Sell him down the river? Hell no. That isn't the way the Winchesters roll.

Everything is different when it's my family on the line. I have all these grey areas as far as they're concerned, the things I'll do for them and the lengths I'll go to can be quite... frightening at times. Not that I would change it because I wouldn't. Not now and not ever.

Whatever he did whilst possessed was not the Sam I know, never was. I always knew it wasn't him, it couldn't be, he doesn't have it in him to do the things that bitch did while she was in his skin.

I took care of what I needed to, looked out for my brother and made sure I took care of the problem. I just happened to clean up a murder here and there, no big deal. Nobody ever needs to know.

What you don't know can't hurt you, right?

[/UNLOCKED]

Sam crapped himself a lot as a baby, need I say anymore?

Muse : Dean Winchester
Fandom : Supernatural (Misc TV)
Word Count : 216

#242 -Write about a time that you were the bearer of bad news.

I remember there was this one Christmas – Alright, a lot of Christmases were I had to be the bearer of bad news. Sam would get all excited about the whole stupid deal, dad would make a promise he never could keep and I was the one who had to look Sam in the eye and tell him dad wasn’t coming.

Of course I tried to pretend like he had been. Didn’t really work when the presents I stole happened to be girly in nature. It wasn’t like I knew; I just grabbed the first things I could get from beneath a neighbour’s tree.

Whatever, at least I tried.

So anyways, I’ve had to be the bearer of bad news on more than one occasion.

Mostly the news centered around dad and Sam looked at me like I knew everything. You have any idea how hard it is to tell your baby brother that your father won’t be home for Christmas because he’s too busy hunting demons? Yeah, that’s always fun.

I always hated being dad’s messenger.

Muse : Dean Winchester
Fandom : Supernatural (Misc TV)
Word Count : 176

#240- Discuss an individual who has scared you.

When I first Pastor Jim Murphy he scared me, just because of how much he believed in God and all these things you couldn’t see.

It didn’t matter to him what happened, he just believed, even when the vampires picked off everybody who ever meant anything to him. I always wondered how a man could still believe in God after everything you had loved was taken from you. I know I stopped believing in Angels the night mom died.

His belief and unrelenting faith scared me, I couldn’t and didn’t understand and I still don’t to this day. Jim was a good man, dad wouldn’t have trusted him like he did if he wasn’t, but he scared me. I don’t think he ever understood me and my reluctance to embrace what he was telling me. Sam was a little easier to convince, I think because he was younger and Jim had a way of speaking that got your attention.

I don’t think I could ever trust in someone or something that I couldn’t see, especially with the existence of monsters, kind of makes you question if God really exists. I know it’s all about free will and bullshit like that but you have to wonder what kind of God would let demons run free without anything to balance the scales? What ever happened to these so called good forces?

After a while Jim stopped scaring me but his faith never stopped scaring the living crap out of me.

Muse : Dean Winchester
Fandom : Supernatural (Misc TV)
Word Count : 248

I just wanted to say thank you to whoever it was who nominated me for:

1. Best Writing/Portrayal of A Main Character Male over at thetammyawards

It was a really nice surprise and it is a good feeling to be nominated and I appreciate everybody who takes the time to read what it is I have to write :)

Dean would send his love if he wasn't so tortured in hell.

Love!

-Mands

#234- Utopia

It was ten in the morning when Dean stirred, peeking open one green eye to take in the a-typical teenager's room around him: posters of various gorgeous women on the walls, clothes haphazardly thrown here and everywhere, a computer left on too long and a couple of tattered looking sneakers.

"Dean!" His mother's voice, loud and clear as a bell, coming from downstairs. "Get up! You're going to miss practice."

Dean grumbled, only for a glass full of water to be emptied over his head by a lanky cackling younger brother. "Yeah, Dean. Time to get up."

Dean spluttered then glared at Sam. "Oh, you're so dead."

"Only if you catch me!" Sam threw back childishly before he was bolting for the door, with Dean in quick pursuit.

Dean hurtled down the stairs after Sam who ran quickly due to his ridiculously long legs and was throwing out all these kinds of threats about what he was going to do to Sam when he finally got his hands on him, too caught up to notice how the house behind him slowly disintegrated and rotted away.

It was only when the front door swung open that the sixteen year old Dean Winchester came to a startling stop, eyes widening as the twelve year old figure of his brother turned to him, eyes as black as night. "You're pathetic, Dean."

"Sammy?" Dean asked, stepping forward only to jump back as the garden all but caved away under him and he was falling, catching his weight on his fingertips.

Sam approached him and his lips curled in the corners. "No, Dean." He shook his head and pressed a foot over Dean's already struggling Dean's knuckles. "It's Sam, not Sammy."

Dean cried out as in the next instant Sam's foot came down hard and his grip was sufficiently jarred enough for Dean to fall.

The next abrupt moment was when Dean jerked awake and found himself staring into the swirling blue of the demon whose hand was in his hair. "Did you like your taste of Utopia, Dean? Pity it'll never actually happen. Mommy's dead and Sam? You've already lost him."

"Fuck you," Dean spat out between his teeth.

The demon chuckled. "No, Dean. Let's play this game a little more. Let's see what other pathetic scenarios you have in your head." And then he dragged Dean back under, suffocating his sounds of complaint with the overwhelming false realities he was torturing him with.

He could play this game for hours and never get bored. Hopefully the oldest Winchester could last.

Muse : Dean Winchester
Fandom : Supernatural (Misc TV)
Word Count : 427

#230 - Black and White

[Locked from Sam]

Sam likes to see the world in greys rather than black and white, which is fair enough, but the truth is I’m looking at the end of my life in as much black and white as you can get.

I’m going to Hell and the chances that I might be able to wiggle my way out of his deal are looking to be slim to none. Not that I regret making the deal, because I don’t. Worked just fine when I needed it to and I wouldn’t take it back.

I sold my soul and that’s as black and white as it gets.

Ruby’s told me that there’s no way of saving me from the pit and I’m not one for believing demons, but there was something about the way that she said it made me think that it’s really true. In a month or so time I’ll be gone on a one way trip to Hell. Kind of scary when you think about it, especially because I’m sure there are plenty of demons just waiting for me down there.

I’ve lived my entire life in the black and white when it comes to demons and the supernatural world, but right now I’m kinda looking for a little grey, just this once. I wouldn’t say hoping because all hope does is set you up for a nice fall and frankly I’d like to leave that for when the hounds come a-calling for my soul.

I’m going to die but that isn’t what frightens me, it’s the fact that I know when I do I’m going to Hell and it’ll be a forever kind of deal.

[/Unlocked]

Muse : Dean Winchester
Fandom : Supernatural (Misc TV)
Word Count : 275

"Name three things that you're looking forward to in the near future and why."

1. A bacon double cheeseburger, definitely. Why? Because it tastes good, clogs up my arteries and it's not like I have to worry about my weight. Should probably start worrying about my health a lot more, given that I've decided I don't actually want to die when my year is up. What? A guy is entitled to change his mind.

2. Growing old... Okay, I can only say that for so long before I crack up. I dunno... cleaning the Impala?

3. The morning after I'm supposed to... die. The whole sunrise thing that I don't usually see because I'm usually asleep but... I could get up for that. I've spent the last couple months preparing myself for the end, but now... I don't want to die. Just don't know if that's possible, especially with what Ruby told me. But, yeah, I'm looking forward to waking up 1 year and 1 day from now, fully alive and ready to kick yet more demon ass.

It's kind of hard to define day-to-day what I'm looking forward, especially with my life.

Mostly? I live day-to-day and figure stuff out as I go.

Muse : Dean Winchester
Fandom : Supernatural (Misc TV)
Word Count : 197

"Mad"

If there was one family in the world that could do mad really goddamn well it was the Winchester family.

Dad was the worst followed in short succession by Sam, especially when they fought about the lifestyle that dad had brought them up into and Sam’s desperate want of ‘normal’. Surprisingly Dean never really did mad with his family, not until dad died and the fight became theirs, with or without their choosing.

It hadn’t helped that Sam had turned into dad overnight and suddenly everything was about the hunt, it was like watching dad all over again. Maybe people think Dean was too young but he remembers everything, the way in which dad changed after mom and how he couldn’t cry because it wasn’t allowed, didn’t want dad to worry and think he was weak.

Mad got easier after dad’s death.

It felt… allowed and he could let out everything he’d been holding in for years because there was nobody there to judge him but Sam himself. He probably shouldn’t have spiralled the way he had but it was dad and it’s hard enough losing one parent but dad… he was the drive that fed the Winchester obsession.

Dean was lost and anger had and always would be the one thing he understood more than anything else in this world and sometimes it was the easiest emotion to grab a hold of and ride through until things worked or don’t as the case may be.

It sure as hell kept him going.

Muse : Dean Winchester
Fandom : Supernatural (Misc TV)
Word Count : 251

"Never pray for justice, because you might get some." - Margaret Atwood

When Dean was six going on seven he asked himself if the means justified the end: if dad doing what he did was worth everything else going on in their lives, if lying to Sam and stepping into dad’s shoes was really going to work out.

It got easier, with the more time that passed and the further away normal got from their present reality. He supposed it was conditioning in a way, behaviour drummed into them by the only person they knew and trusted.

God, even Bobby was more of a father to Dean than John ever was.

Not that Dean ever questioned his father or said anything to disrupt what he knew to be family and the only stable thing he had in his life. He got into hunting, not through choice at first, but because his father needed somebody there at his side and who better than his son?

But after he saw what hunting did and the lengths his father went to in order to protect complete strangers from the horrors he wasn’t able to protect his family from, Dean realised something: he realised that hunting went beyond selfish desire, it wasn’t just about the yellow eyed demon, it was about helping people and saving lives.

After that it was all just a matter of choice.

But, truth be told, they spent years upon years hunting the yellow eyed demon and all of it ended in bloodshed, tears and pain. What good had this hunt for justice done? They’d lost a mother and now a father, all because they’d gotten so entrenched in this desperate chase for justice and need for vengeance.

There’s a time and place for justice but it shouldn’t last years, not when you have a family that needs you.

Muse : Dean Winchester
Fandom : Supernatural (Misc TV)
Word Count : 297

Enough said.

*smirks*

Not a bad reason to go to jail for.

I was kinda expecting murder 'cause that's on my rap sheet.